After this, the word of the LORD came to Abram in a vision:

“Do not be afraid Abram, I am your shield your very great reward.”

Genesis 15:1

Dear Husband,

I saw you today in a way I have never seen before. You have always been strong, protecting yourself, defending yourself. You’ve spent your life making up for what your mother and father never let you have as a child. The right to have boundaries, the right to feel, the right to be loved.

My heart broke as I watched yours break in the hours leading up to your fathers passing. How could this be what God had intended for you? How could He call you to stay and not go to see him go? Abram. I let you leave with your anger into to the open fields where there was nothing but you , the planted grain and God. I prayed for you in our silent kitchen harder than I ever prayed for you before. Hannah That the Spirit in you would prevail as the flesh was denied. I fought for our home as you wrestled with God like Jacob, just another James, never letting go until He showed up for you.

And so He is. Your true Father fights the battles that you cannot see. He fights the real enemy that wants to devour you with grief and with regret. There was nothing you could do beloved. You cannot make someone love you, choose you. But someone chooses you now and is faithful to you because your faithful to Him. David. Because you choose Him, He will greatly restore all that you have lost. Job. The walls have crashed and He is now building something new in you.

Can you see us there with you? Small hands passing bricks to place on the rock foundation, me clearing out the rubble and passing the new wood for our walls. Building a whole new house of faith as a family that will last into eternity. Despite our parentage, despite our history, we have overcome and now we walk into something we never would have without the God of our youth. Though we have lost much we have gained so much more. Pressed down shaken over for He is our Great Reward.

Love your wife,

Janet Giles