Author: Johnnatta Giles

Spirit filled follower of Christ. Wife, Mother, Photographer, Writer and so much more. Follow my blog to learn more about what I share! 💞

Insecure

Published on by Johnnatta Giles1 Comment

 

It’s 12:15 am Monday is now yesterday and I have some how sneaked into a brand new day without realizing it. That’s what happens when a tiny human is dependent on you for survival. But as I hold her in the football hold I am struggling in my mind. There’s a battle going on in there. Not necessarily a full-out war zone but a wrestling match. Who will win? My soul or my spirit? The one that knows truth and holds it? Or the one that eats lies and tries to sell them in my insecure moments?

Ever since I was young I wanted to become a writer. But I was not very good at writing. Not to my standards anyway. But I wrote songs and poetry and short stories called “Adventures in Neverland” with a friend for two years on and off. The stories were based off characters in Hollywood and centered around our fantasy of traveling the world with Michael Jackson. Odd no? There are stranger things. But I also wanted to write my story and share it with the world.

I have been writing this book since I was 13 years old and had no idea how I would get it out in the world. An opportunity has come across my path recently. One that I never thought would be possible at one time. But I had faith that God would bring me to completing it in His own timing. As years passed and I got closer to the final chapter of completion, it was hard for me to understand how in the world I was going to do something so out of my reach. I didn’t have the money and with each child the hours of my day was filling up. How would I get the money? How will I get the time?

Have you ever had God drop something in your heart and for years you hungered  for the day it would manifest? Wondering how and when? But when it came time you froze. You may have thought “Wait is this really happening? Can I really do this? Am I actually ready for this?”

As a daughter of the King of kings I have realized that in this life I will always have moments of insecurity. I will never be good enough or brave enough. So I had to do what I knew I needed to do. Get on my knees, tell Him my fears and allow Him to calm the storm.

“You Lord have created this story in my heart since I was 13 years old. I have grown and matured as it was forming in my heart and for years wrote on page after page. Each new year brought new clearer memories to share. And now it is time to let it go into the world and I am scared. It has become such apart of me and I do not want to send it to the wolves. But if I do not let it go it will not reach the lost children who were just like me looking for love and a way out of darkness. I trust in You, but I am afraid. Please take away my fear.”

That night the Lord spoke to me. In a vision He said to me “Your words are powerful Johnnatta. Do not be afraid. Now I command you to go forth and speak.”

I awoke with a heart of strength that I did not posses before falling asleep. He has given me exactly what I needed to take the opportunity and move in it. I do not know where it will take me or where my story will journey to. But I know now with confidence that He will be the one guiding all things concerning this part of my life. After I let go of the fear and He took it, I got excited. I was able to feel the sheer joy of something I have been working towards most of my life finally coming to reality. It is another dream come true.

When you feel the fear rising up in your throat choking any bit of joy out of you remember this:

He is there. He is there waiting to take it away. He knows you are not enough but yet He chose you anyway. He is ready to give you exactly what you need to do everything He calls you to. Sometimes there may come burdens,things you may have to do to reach that goal and sometimes the burden is the call itself. But remember that burden is easy and light. (Matthew 11:28-30).  Whatever He allows you to suffer through to get there, He promises it will not win or prosper against you (Isaiah 54:17). For nothing He puts in your path is too much for you ( 1 Corinthians 10:13). But at anytime you can call for strength to get what you need to stand firm and walk forward in peace. He truly makes us brave.

This is one of my favorite verses from one of my favorite songs by Blanca Callahan that has really been a constant reminder in this season of my life. Check this whole entire album that’s titled “Who I am” and her second album “Real Love” on YouTube. They are both excellent to have in your playlist of praise and worship if you’re in the seasons of insecurity, intimidation, fear, and doubt. They have been used by God to give me the strength I need to continue in His will for me in the past 3 years.

“I’m standing on the edge of the ledge so afraid of falling.

Unsure insecure how could I be the one your calling?

But I can hear your voice,

I know you brought me here,

And I will make a choice,

To believe and not fear.

If You say go, I’m not gonna wait,

If you say move, I won’t hesitate,

Whatever it is that ya bringing me to I’m gonna trust in You”

The Ultimate Postpartum Beauty Basket

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I officially have 4 weeks left of this pregnancy! I am so stoked I am at the end because I am literally at the end of my patience. I am so done being huge it takes daily prayer for me to be able to walk into my day without going crazy.

I really wanted to post this before Christmas hoping to give someone a wonderful idea for a gift to a pregnant women they may know. But as stated before I am huge and with all the holiday planning I just wanted time to relax and enjoy whatever time I had when I wasn’t cooking and wrapping gifts.

I am going to list only a few of my very favorites that’s in this basket with an explanation as to why I chose the item. This basket is HUGE but I have been adding to it since week 10 of my pregnancy. You can get any size basket you like or even a little goody gift bag! If you want you can add to the basket little by little like I did. I was on a budget so I was always waiting until something on my list went on sale before I brought it. Because of that I saved on every item so for me it was worth it.

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Organic nipple cream Boob❤Ease

I was not even going to get this. But I just happened to see it on sale in the cart-wheel app and had to snatch it up. I used to use Lanolin nipple cream but found it to be sticky and it would harden over time. It would get all over my pump’s suction cups and was sometimes hard to smooth out to use on my nipples. So I decided to try something more organic in the hopes it will be safer for baby, easier to apply, and won’t leave a thick nasty film on my suction cups.

**UPDATE This nipple cream rocks! Heals nipples faster than lanolin’s and not sticky! Applies smoothly and leaves no residue on breastfeeding cups since by the time they are used the cream is already absorbed into skin.

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Organic Ginger Aid

I really wanted to try the red raspberry tea after the baby was born but I just wasnt keen on the flavor every reviewer said. So I chose this instead since it aids in digestion which is something every mom could use after having a baby! The last thing I want is a problem in that department so I figured this could really help. Ginger is such a great herb for your overall health. I normally make my own ginger tea directly from hand dried ginger root but I’ve been a bit lazy these days 😛. I also recommend mother’s tea. Although it didn’t change my milk production it tasted very good despite my concern about the licirious taste. It’s a good treat for you anytime during the day and is caffeine free.

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Multiple Cami’s in different colors and sizes

My baby will be quiet young this summer. So I know I will be doing a lot of outdoor breastfeeding during our picnics to parks and just hanging around Kentucky. So I decided to make a stash of them so I didn’t always have to wear my breastfeeding cover. I will put these on under whatever shirt I have on and not have to worry about a cover or my midriff showing. I got them all in different sizes as I loose weight ranging from XL to M  because I haven’t been a small anything since I was 15.

-NOTE: There’s a belly bandit in the picture. I purchased that right before I found out I was pregnant and just added it to the basket. Belly bandits are not as cheap as the other items in the basket but they make an awesome gift for a postpartum mom.

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Organic body wash or soap and Epsom Salts

This was very important. Salts are great for mothers who are healing from vaginal birth. Just add some lavender and a bit of olive oil and relax. Rather you give birth naturally or by C -Section I highly recommend getting something organic to keep clean. The main reason being that a lot of products that are not organic not only contain harsh chemicals but also perfumes that can be irritating to your healing lady areas and incision sites. This can prolong healing and also be downright painful. And honestly ladies have you not already been through enough pain as it is? Pick you out something that not only smells amazing but is good to you as well so you can continue to heal as comfortable as possible. This body wash from the Honest Company is my favorite. It smells amazing, feels amazing and is so versatile. But most importantly it is SAFE.

If you’re not a body wash kind of gal I again  HiGhLY recommended this soap that a lovely women makes all on her own. I happened to stumble upon her at the Farm Machinery Show in Louisville KY and so glad I did. I have tried other soaps and hers are by far my favorite. They smell amazing leave no residue, cause no irritation, and cleanses wonderfully without one bit of over dryness. Check out her website site here:

http://www.abeautymust.com

 

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Beauty masks & Cleansing Cloths

Because your beautiful girl :). Even the most confident woman doesn’t really register those words after having a baby. Your exhausted, you’re starving all the time (if your breastfeeding) and your counting down the minutes until you can take that first shower. You feel more like a wild animal than you do a mother goddess. But a few beauty masks can make such a huge difference. I had 3 C-Sections and so that shower was not happening for at least another 28 hours or more. My third Section I received a wonderful gift that included a face mask and I put that on the first day in recovery. I cannot tell you how refreshingly amazing that was. I felt less like a wild animal and more like a human being. There’s no special one I would recommend. Just go for your preference. And sit back and relax as you freshen up and heal.

Cleansing wipes help you stay fresh in between showers. Again I advise organic sensitive ones  mom’s just to be safe and try to find flush-able ones just for ease.I included these summers eve ones because I wanted options. I could always use them later if they were too irritating after birth. Other cleansing cloths I included but are not pictured was Burts Bees organic cotton facial cleansing cloths. Night sweats are real and these babies are great when I wake up early morning for feeds after a sweaty night.

This basket was an amazing thing to have after you have a baby. This makes an excellent baby shower gift. And if your anything like me you love to give the un-expected. While mom and guest are cooing over all of the amazing cute baby gear, surprise her with a little TLC basket just for her woman to woman.

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Psalms Of My Heart

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Last year I found an old notebook with the word Journey written across it. It was small enough to fit in a purse. I opened it up and there were pages full of songs and poems. I smiled as I remember my 17-year-old heart discovering my own path to poetry. I wrote whatever was on my heart and mind. I allowed myself for the first time to be creative in my writing.

As I was holding that book I realized somewhere between all the changes in life, all the pain, all the growing up, I had forgotten about this little gift of mine. They are not for everyone. Just like Shakespeare was never for me. No matter how hard I tried to read his writings. But it’s my heart. It’s my words. My very own works of art. While reading the Psalms of David, these sprang forth in my heart. They were just being born when I shared the first 3 on my last blog. And now there are pages of these in my new journal. I am excited to once again share them with the world.

This one is quite short. But it is one of my favorites. In this moment I was full of wonder. I was learning so many new things about God’s heart. I was learning the things I thought I knew were premature. That there was more to Him. And He was revealing Himself to me in ways I never could have imagined. Whatever the pain was before I wrote this no longer existed. The morning was fresh and new. Ready to breath life in me and I walked in light that day.

You Spring forth a song in my heart Lord

With each passing day you sow joy

I am forever captivated by you

Finding new ways to draw closer to Your heart

Father I pray for the eyes that come across this psalm that they may be touched by your love as you touched my heart that day. May your presence give them a deeper desire to draw closer to You and continue in their pursuit to know You more. You are willing and ready God. It is your desire Father that all may know You truly. For You are to be known, not understood or figured out. But to be known. So be it in Jesus name.

J.S

Creamy Chicken Potato Bake

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It’s getting cold here in KY and we just had our first bit of snow! Last night all I wanted to do was snuggle up and eat some hot comforting food with hot cookies for dessert! I turned on every single Christmas light inside and outisde of my house and snuggled up in my chair. While I was listening to the classic Christmas music I grew up on, I   watched my darling kids twirl and dance just like the snow flakes outside.

Although this dish was not the one we ate last night. I was thinking about it as I was smelling my pot roast warm up. It is a dish I made when the fridge ran out of options and I had to whip something hot and good to feed my hungry clan. This is my very own recipe made up in a moment of desperation. I am so pleased how it turned out and will be saving this for one of our favorites for years to come. I hope you enjoy this easy delicious recipe as much as we did!

Printable recipe at the bottom of post.

 

1 Cup of heavy cream

½ of an onion

½ of a green bell pepper

2 stalks of green onion, chopped or clipped into pieces

2 cubes of chicken bouillon cubes, crushed

2 cups of sharp cheddar cheese

2 medium slices of boneless skinless chicken breast

7 medium sized potatoes

Salt, pepper, and basil to taste

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Preheat Oven to 375

1.Cut up all veggies, chicken and onions into to bite sized cubes. In a casserole dish add 1 oz of water to the bottom of dish.

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2 Add potatoes first then layer on chicken. Pour the heavy cream over chicken and potatoes. Mix and toss well. Spread basil on top mixture.

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3. Spread cut green onion, and onion on top of the chicken and potato mix. Dust crushed chicken bouillon cubes across food evenly. Add green pepper on top and cover with aluminum foil.

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4.Cook for 25 minutes. Then take dish out of the oven, turn and mix everything well. Spread cheese evenly over the food, put aluminium foil back on and return to oven for the remaining time.

 

Remove from oven when potatoes are soft when pierced through. Let cool and serve warm. We added a side of sweet homegrown corn and it was a perfect addition to the meal. I hope you  enjoy!

Printable Recipe:

Creamy Chicken Potato Bake

Welcome to the New

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It has been almost a year since my last post on Blogger. And the only thing that has remained the same is I am pregnant AGAIN while starting a new blog. So crazy. There are some things that will stay the same. But I am a whole other person than I was just a year ago. I will keep this short because I have a lot of work to do! I am so excited to bring back and re-do everything that was starting on my last blog. I hope it blesses you and you enjoy every post. I hope it inspires you and gives you strength to step out into all that God made you to be. And I hope you will be bold in stepping into new things. I’m all for ya kid! I’m rooting for you behind this laptop of mine and lifting you up in prayers as you silently read on.

I’m excited to walk into the Newness God has for me. There may be some deep stuff in here that may make you feel some kind of way.. I hope it does. Any feeling is better than none. But mainly I want you to feel the love God and I have for each other through this blog. Because that love is real. He’s alive, He’s real.

And I will leave it at that. See you soon 🙂

J.S

When Your Betrayed

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Over 8 months ago I walked away from everyone I loved and knew my entire life. God had told me a year before that  He would call my family of 5 out and away from all we knew. But we could have never guessed He meant from everything and everyone.

It was a hard decision but a decision we made based off our faith in Him. I shut down my first blog, my YouTube channel and got rid of my Facebook. I burned the bridges of those relationships solely based off their own circumstances.  I didn’t know if I was doing what was right. I just knew there was a reason I was walking away and in order to find out what that was I had to “Come out from them.”

I have in my past had to walk away from toxic and bad influential relationships before. But that was over the course of my entire life. Friends and family came and went, but I always had someone new enter into my life or a reconciled relationship from years past. But not once have I or even heard of anyone walking away from every single human being you know. Besides the men in the Bible of course.

I took a step of faith even though I knew not why it had to come to this. Couldn’t I just talk to them Lord? Work it out? No. Can’t you protect these relationships and help them to become fruitful? No. Can’t I just act like everything they have done and are doing is okay? NO.

Sometimes when God calls you to do something, He does not give you the reasons why or an explanation. It is a test in our faith in Him in those moments. Do they really trust me? Do they really believe the way they say they do? Let’s see if they do when I tell them to do this!

This goes against everything you may have read or heard preach about the church doesn’t it? Forgive and let it go. Love and don’t judge. Be the light of Christ and love the sinner not the sin! Don’t be prideful, you’re not perfect either.

And while those things are true in a sense, they are not to be put with every circumstance and every relationship. And they only should be followed when the Spirit of God compels you to heed them. Let’s get real. Some relationships should have never began in the first place and you cannot love someone well when they continue to abuse, use, disrespect and harm you. And not one person deserves to be treated that way.

It turned out that God wanted me to know why I had to remove myself from them. The actions they committed against me that came after I left destroyed any doubt if I was doing the right thing. It was then I realized, when people have sick hearts and dead ones they show themselves right away when righteousness confronts them. No matter how long they try to control themselves in religion or self-help those things they hide in the dark will come to the light.

Luke 8:17 For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open.

I could not believe the betrayal of these people. I had no idea the things that they were capable of and would not have even believed it if I was not taken out of those relationships. Like David said:

Psalms 55:21 His talk is smooth as butter, yet war is in his heart; his words are more soothing than oil, yet they are drawn sword.

The word says that one of the reasons God calls us out and away is so that we can clearly see what we were surrounded by. He showed me what was really happening, what was really going on in the hearts of those people I loved and thought loved me. When I started drawing boundaries and burning bridges with them, it showed me what was really in their hearts toward me. And once they took up offense the rest was history:

And then many will be offended, will betray one another, and will hate one another. Then many false prophets will rise up and deceive many. And because lawlessness will abound, the love of many will grow cold. But he who endures to the end shall be saved. Matthew 24:10-13

Although I knew every move they made behind my back and in my absence, I did not say a word to them. Because I knew the purpose of this was to show me what I didn’t know and to see why God had told me to separate myself from them. Through this change also happened in me, inner sin was exposed within myself and great strength rose up that I had no idea I could ever have. Being around these people not only hindered my walk with Christ but hindered my gifts and my own understanding of who I really was. The good and the bad.

But I had faith in the love of God. And although what they had done (which I will not say at this moment) was not only disrespectful, and betrayals that could have shaken my family and separated us, I knew that God’s love was for me and that He would protect us. I also knew that no matter what, even in standing in all of that my love would increase and so would my faith.

I refused to allow the evil that was directed towards me to stop me in my tracks for what God had for me. I wouldn’t allow it to  intimidate me or change my heart so that it would become cold. No. It was the attacks made me love fiercer and stronger than ever before and drew me even closer to God.

It is amazing to see how God could take something that could have destroyed me and turn it into the very thing that created power and strength in me. But I had to let Him.  At first I was angry and I was very hurt. I cried and I was tempted to fear.  But I chose not to allow what they did to destroy me. I ran to God crying and asking for safety. I asked Him not to let it change my heart no matter what else they may do. No matter what to protect me and remind me of His big fullness and His ways, so I won’t forget who He is and what He is doing.

And He was faithful and did just that.