Scribbles of words run across a dusted yellow page inside a hand me down journal in the hands of a wide eyed little girl. Words are hard to find when your dreams are bigger than you are but I try my best to write them down. I want to be a teacher when I grow up because nothing is more exciting to me than loving children and teaching them as they grow. What an honor to be able to not shape or mold minds, but feed them and watch them transform into the glorious butterflies they are destined to be.
Years flew by before my very little eyes and as I grew up that dream changed multiple times. Dancer, therapist, pediatrician, pediatric dentistry to ministry. I had long forgotten of the days of wanting to teach children just thinking it was never Gods will for me to be in a public school classroom. But God’s ways are higher than our ways. There is always a reason things happen and it may be for a purpose we do not yet know of.
I remember the year my daughter started kindergarten and the fear that gripped me. Will she be cared for properly? Will they teach her well? How will she behave? Underneath the weight of worry there was excitement knowing that she was going to learn despite my fears. I turned my moments of worry into moments of big prayer for her every morning as she rode the bus to school. But a few weeks later the Lord would call me to something I never thought I would do and that was home school my children for the remainder of their education.
Like a wild animal coming back to the place he ate his last meal seeking for the next, fear came over me once again. I don’t always do so well when things change suddenly. I was so afraid I wouldn’t have the capacity or the skills to pull of such a huge task. Where in the world would I get the money and will I have the patience more importantly? Sure enough God came through provided me with everything I needed and then some for our first year together in our little classroom. It was not until we were halfway finished with our school year did I realize that first dream I ever had was after all what God had called me to do but with my own children in our home. I was full of wonder the moment this revelation came forth in my mind. The dream of becoming a teacher was indeed the plan and will of God for me all along! Fear and worry was replaced with worship and thankfulness every start of the school season. My God had came through for me in such an awesome way! As He always does.
No matter what comes this year I want you to know that sometimes things may not go as you expect but there may be a reason for that. Take everything to the Lord and lean on Him for all understanding and He will lead you to still waters in ways you never would have thought. Don’t hinder the dreams of your children and teach them to dream big. One day they may look back and see the faithfulness of God and how He has brought those very things to life in their adult years. Childhood dreams are one way the Lord speaks His will into our lives at a very young age. His ways are higher and greater than ours and I am so thankful they are!
After this, the word of the LORD came to Abram in a vision:
“Do not be afraid Abram, I am your shield your very great reward.”
Genesis 15:1
Dear Husband,
I saw you today in a way I have never seen before. You have always been strong, protecting yourself, defending yourself. You’ve spent your life making up for what your mother and father never let you have as a child. The right to have boundaries, the right to feel, the right to be loved.
My heart broke as I watched yours break in the hours leading up to your fathers passing. How could this be what God had intended for you? How could He call you to stay and not go to see him go? Abram. I let you leave with your anger into to the open fields where there was nothing but you , the planted grain and God. I prayed for you in our silent kitchen harder than I ever prayed for you before. Hannah That the Spirit in you would prevail as the flesh was denied. I fought for our home as you wrestled with God like Jacob, just another James, never letting go until He showed up for you.
And so He is. Your true Father fights the battles that you cannot see. He fights the real enemy that wants to devour you with grief and with regret. There was nothing you could do beloved. You cannot make someone love you, choose you. But someone chooses you now and is faithful to you because your faithful to Him. David. Because you choose Him, He will greatly restore all that you have lost. Job. The walls have crashed and He is now building something new in you.
Can you see us there with you? Small hands passing bricks to place on the rock foundation, me clearing out the rubble and passing the new wood for our walls. Building a whole new house of faith as a family that will last into eternity. Despite our parentage, despite our history, we have overcome and now we walk into something we never would have without the God of our youth. Though we have lost much we have gained so much more. Pressed down shaken over for He is our Great Reward.
These past three years my family and I have been through the fire. I had hoped that the day the refining was over we would be standing on the mountain refreshed and restored! But the Lord brought us to the valley where our faith was tested. After so much loss and betrayal by the ones we loved, we had a pain that inevitable led us to turn on each other and it threatened the security of our own home. I cried every night for months on end wondering what the Lord was doing and why we were going through this after everything we had been through. Were we called to this exodus only to be brought to destruction? Would the pain tear our little family apart? What about the visions of our future? Where You showed us where You were taking us? How can we get there when we are barely hanging on here?
I was about to give up. I was so sick with worry and pain that I barely had the faith to speak life into my situation. But then the Lord said to me “I only ask you to trust me.” When He said that to me there was no doubt in my mind that was all I had left was trust in my Father. “Yes Lord! I trust you. I put my trust only in You. But that’s all I have.” It took me awhile to fully let go of control but once I did, God moved in our home in a mighty way. One day my husband called me while I was at home and he said something I was not expecting. “Things are going to change and get better from here on out! We take hold of it and believe that’s exactly whats going to happen!” I remember the pain leaving me in that very moment. My husband had took up his authority over his household in the name of Jesus Christ! From that moment on things changed in our marriage and relationship with our children. Our household began to sing again and laughter replaced mourning.
When things are hard in your home and you ask the questions I asked, remember that if God brought you together He knew exactly what you all would walk through. But He also knew what He would do to deliver you from it all. These moments will always come. They have a purpose for something greater you can’t understand now. I could have never known that going through that I would learn some powerful truths about spiritual warfare and prayer that would protect my family and I against the schemes of the enemy. Or I would come to fully understand myself as a fallen woman and how to pray over my own self to be used greatly to change the atmosphere in our home. Going through that season of our lives brought me into what I know now. That God is faithful and what He brings us through as a family is apart of our story and brings us closer to Him. In Him there is no separating us and I do believe that our Clan can do anything in His name! He is truly the breath of our lives and I am so grateful that my days now end in praise and no longer in tears.
Our God Delivers
Our God is Faithful
Our God is Greater
May God restore your family according to His will and in His timing in Jesus Christ’s name. So Be It.
Christmas for my family and I hold a very different meaning than it does for the Christian community and the world. My husband was raised in all the traditions of Christmas, pagan and Christian both but I was not raised to think one way or another about it. I come from a traumatizing past, so I have said, but what I have not told you is that it was not always that way.
When I was first adopted it had seemed I finally found a place to belong after years in foster care. We moved twice and the second time would become my very first home. The last peaceful memories I had in that house was of Christmas. I had no idea I was not alone there. My brothers said that was the same for them. Christmases continued for a little while even during the abuse. At one point I believed in Santa Clause. No one really taught me to in my home but there was enough in the world to encourage my beliefs. I eventually found out about Santa, and it broke my heart and angered me for many years. No one likes to be deceived. But it was not those things that made Christmas special in my heart. It was not the story of the birth of Christ and it was not the Christmas lights that stilled my soul. It was the only time abuse did not happen. It was the only time of the year I experienced peace ,rest and joy.
When my first born was born I began to think seriously about why and how we celebrate every holiday. It took us years to sift through everything but we now have come to a conclusion. My husband had his own experiences and he too wanted to do things differently for his children. We began to think “What do we want to sow into our children in these early years and what will it produce in them in their present and one day future?”
Christmas began to be our focus holiday because if we were going to celebrate something we should know the truth about it. We learned that Paganism is closely tied to the origins of Christmas in the church and at one point there was no Christmas at all. We found no mention in the Word to celebrate the birth of Christ only to remember His sacrifice in frequent communion. We read about the pagan rituals the birthed the songs and things we use every Christmas in our house hold. In the end we were mortified by everything we found and decided we would not celebrate it religiously but in a different way.
We rarely use the word celebrate and now instead treat it as any other season of the year.
When I was researching I found something that brought up my memories of Christmas to the fore front of my mind. I watched a video on Christmas in Europe and was intrigued by the history of it there. There was no such thing as Christmas at one time but they treated it as a seasonal time of family togetherness, thankfulness, rest and goodwill. This is exactly what Christmas is now for our clan. We still hang up the tree, stockings, garland and decorate the house with lights. In the corner of our T.V stand you will find a nativity that is specially set up by only me every season. But there are no Christmas beliefs tied to any of it. We just want to create an environment of comfort and Joy.
I will always remember how I felt those winter months sitting on the couch with my brothers. The feelings of peace and safety were such a gift to me that no toy ever gave. I watch my babies every year light up with wonder and when I asked them this year what they like most about this season, I was surprised by the answer. My Izabella looked up with those brown eyes and a smile and said “I love that we are together and we can snuggle.” My cup runneth over.
Can you believe it? It’s almost time for those kids to go back to school. I bet you can’t wait or if your little one is a new school yard chum you are freaking out, having anxiety and asking every one on Facebook to pray for them… and also YOU. Okay maybe that last part was more from my experience. I know that school time can bring on a mixture of emotions. As I grew up I always imagined waking up before my kids, fully dressed, with hot breakfast on the table and lunch boxes ready to go. But that just didn’t happen at all.
Actually the year my eldest entered kindergarten was the hardest year of my parenting life so far. And there are so many reasons why that was. But it was not what I dreamed of. I got to wake up twice that entire year. In my robe mind you on shuffling my feet across my kitchen floor. I could barely keep my eyes open because 3 hours ago I was just breastfeeding her baby brother. So I had to stay in bed as her dad got her ready and walked her to the bus.
But every morning the sound of the bus would awaken me and sometimes I would cry. My heart was aching knowing my daughter was an hour away from me and on a school bus (which I detested from childhood experiences). So I decided every time the bus came i would pray. Pray for her protection and trust that the Lord was with her. Because for the first time in my life I was not standing beside her and protecting her.
School time can bring on so much joy for some parents but anxiety for others. Especially in light of all the school shootings and the moral decline in our school systems and class rooms. I just want to give you some advice on some things to try that may make it easier for those who are anxious.
Pray
Of course this has to be the first advice I give you. It is the most important thing. When you are over whelmed from anxiety or fear it’s hard to get a grip on things. He is the anchor for your very soul. He promises to be your strength when you are weak and He will help you to become still in order for peace to enter in your heart. Trust in the Lord to lead you to peace.
Look Forward
It really helped me when I thought about all the things that she may tell me when she got home. I kept an eye on the clock reminding myself that in a few hours she will be home. Fill up your time with productivity but never forget to rest. Do something for yourself. No matter how small it is. It will help take your mind off those worries.
Focus on the Good
Be honest with the Lord or friends about how you feel. But don’t focus on any negative thoughts. They will only lead you right back to the place of needing to be rescued from anxiety again. The only way to keep your peace is to do as Philippians 4:8 says.
Weekends are for fun
Don’t let the worries of this world steal your joy and rob you of intimacy with your children. I planned my weekends to focus on spending quality time with my daughter. Our week days were filled with studying, home work, house chores, dinner. It didn’t leave much room for quality time with her so I always planned something for the weekends. Take the Saturday and go for a walk. Teach your kids to breathe as you breathe. They may be feeling the same anxiety you are too about heading back.
I know this world is getting darker but remember Who Holds The Light. That light even among darkness is for you. And He even creates light out of darkness. Pray for the ones who are without love and who are victims of the evil in this world. Pray over the school year and our educators at the schools and in the homes of homeschoolers as well. I am praying that this year would be different and that there will be great change. In Jesus Christ’s name. Amen
From one Parent to another
God bless this school year and may He protect and watch over our children!
Being a mom of 4 is quite the challenge. And even though I have gotten a lot stronger since my c-section I have come to realize that sometimes there is just not enough time in the day. I have gotten to the point where I am needing more breaks to rest than I ever had before. I feel bad about that sometimes because I want to give out more so my kids will remember how much I loved them. But I get so darn tired and just need moments of rest.
One of the things I love to do is watch a movie or a documentary while they nap or dad takes them outside to play. One documentary in particular has recently sent me on a thought journey and taught me an important lesson. Being intentional and devoted is the first things that help create a legacy of love for our children and that is what matters the most.
August 1997 was the year that I was 8 turning 9. It was also the month and year that Diana, Princess of Wales died. I was watching Dianna: In her Own Words on Netflix and revelation sprang forth in my heart. She was the first person I ever looked up to. I barely remember much about the first time I had heard her name. But I knew she was someone very much loved and the beauty of her heart drew me in.
I was so young then on the day of her funeral. My heart was breaking knowing that this person no longer graced this Earth. And I cried. I remember being shocked of how many people were there at her funeral as well every other memorial services around the world. I had no idea I was not the only who took notice of her. But what amazed me the most were the words being spoken about this woman. This mother.
When I heard of all that she did for the sick and the left behind I thought in my mind “I want a heart like that. I want to do that one day.” I could have never imagined that my heart would grow to have a hunger to be a humanitarian as well. There is a natural born hatred in me for injustice and suffering. And one day very soon I will be traveling to the least of these just to sow the love of Christ.
As I grew up I came across more information about Diana. The more I found out the more I fell in love wit her. This woman was long gone but she left such a legacy of love that it was still being felt by the living. The one thing that I came across that stood out to me more than anything about Diana was her absolute love and devotion for her children. Each photo and video I saw of her and the two boys, I remember thinking “I want to be a mother like that!”
I see now well before my children had even entered this world God was already sowing in my heart His will for me as a mother through Diana. I had no other influence. The main women in my life abused me. Hatred and lies were being sown in me daily but the Lord always brought me across women that would sow truth in me and combat it all. All these years it was meant for the now., the today as a mother of four beautiful children.
Some may think that is idolatry. Call it what you want, all I know is God will use the people around you as a child to help you to grow in the way you should go. God always knows what He is doing. And though I had no mother to teach me I had Diana.
In this season of motherhood today I am learning that being an intentional devoted mother is the first step. Devoted to raising well fed healthy kids. Devoted to praying with them and reading them the Word. Intentional in teaching them and disciplining them according to God. Intentionally creating an atmosphere of peace and rest. Some days it’s all that I can do that day and that is enough.
Let me share with you this intentional piece of a letter I just wrote in my motherhood diary. That day was I was so tired and all I could do is take care of their basic needs and write them a little letter:
“I want to always make sure no matter what, I am doing my part as your mother. It can be hard when I am hurting. But you guys as well as the Lord, get me out of bed every morning and keep me moving forward. You are truly a gift to me. Each one of you created something beautiful in my character.”
There are so many things I have done that I know is creating a legacy of love for my children. I want them to always know that they have been a huge part of who I have become as a mother and women. That Life without them is unimaginable. So I have to remind myself daily. Be intentional and stay devoted. If today that’s all I’ve got that is everything they need.
I want to share with you a few paragraphs from the book ‘The Marriage Builder” I think It’s important to put these before I move on and show you the example of these truths in my own marriage and what God has done with us in knowing them.
“In explaining Spirit Oneness, my primary focus is on each partners individual relationship with God and how that spiritual relationship reaches into a person’s needs for security and significance.
“..if the foundation of Spirit Oneness is mutual dependence on the Lord for personal needs, then the foundation of Soul Oneness is a mutual commitment to minister to one another’s personal needs.”
Although my husband and I are not responsible to supply things to each other to make us feel significant or make us feel secure, we do have a responsibility to each other in helping one another by giving and ministering to each other the love of Christ.
A few years after my marriage and before this book came across my path the Lord spoke to me about who Eve was. He said to me “Eve was not created for the pleasure of Adam. She was not created to fill voids in Adams life. She was not created to be his servant. She was not created to change Adam or to help him in His relationship with God. Or make him a better man. She was created to be apart of Adam. To uplift Adam. To help him. To support him. To partner with him. To create with him. To walk with him all the days of his life.”
I could understand this only to a small degree. The Lord was showing me that as I women and a wife you are not your husband’s keeper and he is not yours. But for the first time ever I understood who I was as his wife. When we started reading this book I understood even more. That in order to be one with my husband I must minister to him as his wife. Not worship him, not even submit to him, but to minister to him. What would that look like?
My husband works in the world sometimes all day. There are times he comes home more spiritually exhausted than physically or mentally. As soon as I notice it I make sure I remind him of what our Father has told us. Where He is taking us and what the word says about un-godly people. I am ready at anytime ready to minister truth to my husbands weary heart.
Sometimes my husband struggles with insecurity. He has dreams that God has placed in his heart and he sometimes feels inadequate to do them or feels like he wants to give up. I am ready to sow love and encouragement in him. Reminding him that God is the author and finisher of our lives and that His will for him will come to pass in His timing. To keep the faith and know that it will be through Him that theses things are accomplished. I always want my husband to know how proud I am of him and how far he’s gotten. I point out how much he has already done and the progress he has already made, proof of God’s provision and will.
To be one with our spouses we must be ready to minister to them even when we are not happy with one another. This is by far the hardest part of soul oneness. When things are not going well it is easy to leave ministry and step into manipulation. All of a sudden when your feelings are crushed you withdraw and refuse to speak to your spouse until you get an apology. You withhold sex from him or her because your don’t like how they have been treating you recently,.You put them in the “dog house” and send them to the couch to sleep. You refuse to allow them back in your bed until they are ready to comply. You withhold telling the truth about your feelings afraid of being hurt and let down.
All of these things are manipulation tactics. But we don’t see them that way because the world has taught us it is normal, acceptable or okay. And while its okay once again to draw boundaries, we are not to use the law of boundaries to control or punish one another. God calls us to be of the Word and not of the World. He call us to love like Christ loves the Church and to respect and honor each other. Nothing against Paul but these two scriptures in Ephesians should go for both sexes and not just penned to the individual ones:
“Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.”
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
One day while we were heading out to go shopping I was highly upset with my husband. To control my reactions I become very silent. I shut my mouth when I’m hurting because I am a feisty little women and my mouth gets me into trouble. As I was praying on the way to the mall asking God to heal my heart and forgive me, the Lord spoke to me when I asked Him what to do about the situation. He said “Love as Christ loves the Church” He said it to my 5 times. So I looked over at my husband and apologized and forgave him as well. I chucked what he did as far as the east was from the west and moved on. This is the art of ministry in our marriages that creates Soul Oneness.
The more you sow into Soul oneness with your spouse the more your hearts will change toward one another. You may be the only one doing the sowing but remember that every seed will come to life. But what seed are you sowing? The law of sowing in reaping is inevitable. So try to start habits of sowing through ministry and not manipulation. Of course there is SO much more in the book, so again I will put it down below. Share with other couples you know even if they aren’t struggling. We all need these truths in our marriages and it’s best to know them now than too late.
At the age of 23 years old I walked down the aisle for the second time. For two and a half years I prepared myself to become a wife for the first time. In my last marriage I never got a chance to be a wife. I was too busy being the wife and the husband. I had to lead my marriage and our lives which was not the will of God. But my husband refused to have a relationship with God and lead our marriage. When your out of alignment in your marriage all heck breaks loose. Eventually came infidelity on my part and then divorce later.
I read so many marriage books, searched the Word of God, worked on my heart with the Lord and sought out advice from older married women. But talking to them only confused me more when I was hoping for wisdom. I picked up Joyce Meyers book on marriage and for months I cuddled up on my couch devouring and highlighting every sentence that I felt spoke to me. I was on a mission to preparing myself to becoming a wife by doing pre martial counseling, growing closer to God, and seeking wisdom. But even after all of that I still years later had no idea what I was doing and was afraid I had once again failed.
One day my husband and I met up for lunch on his lunch break. Our daughter loved any chance she got to see him randomly in the middle of the day. We got into an argument over something stupid and that led to harsh words and my heart breaking for the first time in our marriage. As I was driving home listening to Air1 radio a song came on reminding me that when God ordains something He has a will and plan for it. In His time and in His way He takes care of it. I began to weep. So loudly I am sure the people who were driving next to me could hear me through my rolled down window but I didn’t care. I felt like my whole world was falling apart. I said out loud through my choking tears “Lord I do not know what you’re going to do but I trust you know better than me. And you have a plan.” I was barely married and the year-long honeymoon phase passed so quickly. I was trying so hard to be a good wife and mother. But I felt utterly useless. I didn’t want to repeat the same mistakes.
I knew that my now husband was my soul mate sent from God. After I surrendered fully to Him and letting Him become my focus I met my husband 6 months later at two months before my 21st birthday. But a year after we married, I had caught religion and I had forgotten who brought me to this marriage and who sent me to where I am. Because that’s what religion does. It traps you into forgetting the truth and you start accepting what is false about God. But in that moment, in my weakness, my will power failed me and I broke submitting myself to God seeking Him for truth. After asking ministers at the church I was attending to help us and counsel us only to be ignored and told no, I broke down and prayed again. I remember saying “Lord. You have given me the greatest counselor. If I cannot find anyone to counsel my husband and I will you please lead us to something that your Holy Spirit can counsel us in?” After all God knows our inner most thoughts and He created our hearts of Flesh.
Days later my husband comes home after his second job, walks straight into our room and loudly says “You need to get this book. It’s called The Marriage Builder. I was just listening to Focus on the Family on Star and they were talking about this book and I heard God tell me to get it!” I looked at him so surprised but instantly felt revelation spring forth in my heart. My husband had no idea I prayed that prayer but I knew that was God answering it through him. So the very next day I ordered two books offline and we began reading it as soon as it came. I want to share with you the one truth in that book that changed my marriage forever and made a huge difference in how we see each other today.
Spirit Oneness
Spirit oneness is normally confused with soul oneness. For a long time people, even me, have heard that we are one in the spirit with out spouses. But that is not so. We connect with our spouses in spiritual ways but we cannot be one in the spirit with them. Spiritual oneness is only for you and God. When you are one with God spiritually you understand that all of your needs are met by Him. You are loved and can love because He loves you. And no matter what your spouse does or how he or she is towards you, you can have peace and rest in the fact that God sees you and knows what you need. He can supply your every need, emotionally, physically and spiritually even when your spouse cannot.
Feeling alone in your marriage? God promises to be there for you even if it’s two in the morning. Feeling let down and overlooked by your spouse? God sees all that you do and is your biggest cheerleader. If you listen He will tell you how proud He is of you and give you that sense of achievement. Feeling lack of intimacy in your marriage? Intimacy with God is the greater than any you will ever get from your spouse. Intimacy is not sex. Sex is just a product of intimacy which I would love to share with you also in a later post.
The reason why I had to understand this important truth was because when my needs as a wife or a person in general were not being met I would go into a pit of despair, anxiety, depression, and even resent my husband. We would fight like cats and dogs because anger would rise up in me when I felt disrespected and I would lash out in vengeance. When the lack of intimacy in my marriage was in my face evident, I would get depressed and withdraw from my husband and even sometimes my friends. When my husband would not see the hard work I did in the home and would honestly sometimes be insensitive, I would have anxiety attacks and would sometimes even attack him.
But when I understood this truth of spirit oneness with God, every time I felt let down, overlooked or disrespected by my husband I would run to my daddy. Under His pinions I would say “Father. My heart is hurting. Because Jim was so rude to me today. I reacted horribly though. Please heal my heart, help me forgive him, and help me to be a better wife.” Sometimes I would literally run right in the middle of an argument out of the room and into the safety of prayer. I ran to the nearest place I could be alone. On my porch in the summers, in my bathroom and bedroom in the winter and at night on the couch in my living room.
I sowed into my spiritual oneness with my Father by doing that. The more I did that the less I expected of my husband and the less I lashed out when I felt hurt. Now I truly could write a book about this very subject. That is why I had to break this up in two separate posts. Because on the other hand, we do have to understand what our boundaries and that is it just fine to defend those boundaries when our spouses are not respecting them. But both go hand in hand. We need to let go of high expectations of our spouses but also be able to stand up for ourselves correctly when hurt.
I would always tell my husband when he was being rude or not respecting my boundaries. But when I understood my husband’s lack of love and acceptance or attention does define if I am truly loved, accepted and seen, I was able to escape the trap of anxiety, depression and despair. And then I was able to forgive and move on truly never hoarding resentment towards him.
This helped my husband as well. But like me we are both still growing in this. We are always being met somewhere down the line with something we have to let go of and rely on God for. Or something in us that we need to change so that we are ministering spouses and not manipulating ones. When you grow up in an abusive home like we both did, your sense of boundaries and identity is messed up or none existent. That was something we had to both come to understand as well.
Check out the book if you can. There is even more than what I wrote about. It truly is a blessing to us we are actually still reading through it 3 years later. Yeah…. each chapter forced some serious issues out of us both that we had to give time to mature in before we moved on! I will write about Soul oneness in the next post.
I know it hurts. I know right now the only thing that you can think of when you rise in the light of a new day or when you fall asleep to the end of a long night is what did I do wrong? I know you heart aches thoughtought the day and your mind is searching for reason for, solutions to bring them home. To bring them back into your heart. To fix the brokenness of your relationship. You would do anything to have them with you again. And you most likely have done everything in your power to raise them well so that they could one day be free to find happiness. You protected them as much as you could to keep them from dysfunction, so they would not grow up bent toward a life of chaos. You taught them so they could one day be wiser than you ever were, hoping they would escape the wrath of God. But still they ran from safety, right toward a road of destruction.
You fed them. You clothed them. You did what Jesus called the ultimate sacrifice. You laid down your life so that they may have a better one. Have you ever thought for a second that it very may not have been anything that you did or could ever do? Have you ever thought for a second that you are not the one to blame? There is a whisper in the wind. Will you take a moment and be still to reciieve the voice that reaches out to you?
Beloved. I know your hearts of hearts. I too endured the pain you now posses when you walked away from me time and time again. But don’t you know you are not your own? That no matter what, you and your child are both mine? I weep with you my son, my daughter. I watched them walk away and I watched your heart break. Won’t you give them to me? Let them go and then you come to me. Let me heal you. For if they do return there will be rejoicing and not bitterness. But if they do not return for you there will be healing and restoration. I will be with you and will never leave you. My love for you will never run dry and I will never forsake you. Yes my love is greater than any love you could ever encounter on earth. It pains me to see you suffer so. Not one worry will bring them back. Not one plan can change their hearts. But know this. I have a plan for you. It will lead you to rivers of life. I will fill the void in your heart that the child you bore used to fill. And though you may sit in emptiness, I will fill you with healing and love.
They may have strayed and may have gone. Maybe on their own accord or manipulated by the lies of others. But do not dwell in the pits of despair. Do not allow shame to steal your every breath. And never feel that you have failed. For we all must be held accountable for the decisions we make. And their decision to betray you, exclude you or shun you is their own. And you must let them go. Let them go and walk into the Father’s house. And they may return to a home of forgiveness and love. But if they never return, let the Father heal you of your broken heart. So that you may continue on in His purpose for your life. Because we are all here for a reason. And as long as you are alive and still breathing. There is more for you to do, there is more for you to receive, no matter what comes and no matter what goes.
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