I am Woman + Who was Eve?

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After I had my son, whom I thought then would be my final child, I started to hunger for a deeper understanding for what womanhood in Christ really was. Keeping house, submitting to my husband and serving in my church and community, seemed to be what I found every where I searched for this wisdom. But I did all those things and yet who I was as a woman never surfaced inside of me. You see, I had no women to tell me or show me what womanhood was. All my life I longed for an older women to pass on her wisdom to me as I rapidly grew from little girl to young lady in a blink of an eye. To my dismay all the women in my life either abused me, abandoned me or just simply forgot about me.

After becoming a mother and years of healing that lead to many dilverances, I looked to the word of God. I started where a large majority of Christian women are referred to when seeking out this very wisdom, Proverbs 31:10 The Wife Of Noble Character. And although the scripture paints a beautiful description of a women whom embodies virtue, I felt that it isn’t at all what womanhood really is.

My first thought was Eve herself. When I decided to look at Eve I realized, well there’s not much to see. We don’t know nearly as much as I would love to know about both Adam and Eve. I’m nosy that way. So I reread the small part of her story over and over again. Moving onto other scripture sometimes and coming back to hers, and then one day, something captured my attention.

Whats in a name?

“Adam named his wife Eve, because she would become the mother of all living”

In Genesis 3:20 I notice the first clue about Eve. She didn’t choose her name, but Adam did. I saw the pure reasons why Adam may have given her that name. With my whole heart I believe that he saw her for more than just a partner, a helper or someone he would be intimate with, he saw her as life itself in the flesh. Her name alone must have reminded her every day of the power she held. That power was given to her graciously from her Creator. Despite her betrayal, He made her to do only what He can do and that is the power to create and give life. That humbled my heart. God gave such a magnificent piece of Himself to women what does that say about me as a woman?

Realizing this gave me an appreciation for the fact that I as a women, hold such a powerful gift that no man could ever do, the gift to give life. Not just in child bearing but in heart, body and spirit. It created instantly a pride in me I never possessed before not even after I birthed my own children. Every time I choose to love and nurture another human being on earth I am naturally able to spark life into them. The moment I speak up for the lost and choose to love the broken, life is being created, through love, with each word, and each action.

That’s why its much more natural for us to do because it’s apart of who we are! That was the moment I saw differently how I could impact my household as well. By embracing this gift in me I now know how to pray over myself and my family in times of much needed spiritual warfare. Who says we’re not super woman? Okay maybe not that one but you know what I mean.

The Breath of Life

“With the help of the Lord I have brought forth a man.” Later she gave birth to her brother Abel.

After reading this scripture in Genesis 4:1-2, I realized Eve knew who her God. She knew that He was her helper and her strength but she also knew by the birth of Abel, that God held their very life in His hands. Abel’s name has been said to mean “Breath” now I believe that’s exactly what it means. But every where I have researched it says his name was given, because like a breath he would not live long. I am not going to go into a rant on that vague speculation. But what I do know is that Eve knew how her own existence came into being.

I know good and well that child birth can give you a whole new perspective on life. It’s terrifying at worse and humbling all around. And I am sure once she went through it under the curse for the second time she knew that God is the giver of life and therefore named her son after the same Spirit that was breathed into her as well. Therefore his name most likely means “Breath” not because of a short life but because of the Life Giver.

Eve knew who her God was and that in Him, He creates life, death, darkness and light. He is able to save and He is able to destroy and there was nothing she went through that had not already passed through His hands. He’s got her back! Though Eve was a woman created to give and create life, she knew that without her God none of it would be possible. These two powerful lessons are the first I have learned about who God made me as a women.

I may have inherited a fallen flesh, but I am a Queen forevermore redeem by my Savior, restored to my former glory through the Creator.

I hold the power of life within myself and I am able to bring that life into my arms and in the world around me.

A power that creates love, unity and justice that leads to humble hearts and stories of forgiveness.

That same power allows me to be the head and never the tail. And to have full authority over everything God places into my hands.

It gives me the ability to no longer be the victim, but the warrior that fights for the freedom of others leading them to their own victory.

All of this is what Eve taught me and the Holy Spirit gave me. This is the woman that God sent his son to die on the cross so that we may be restored back to. Daughters of Zion behold your God and let Him bring you into true womanhood!

J.S

New Section + I Am Woman

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Last year I turned 30 years old and boy was I excited! I remember when I was a little girl, I always said that my 30’s would be my golden years. I had goals guys, big dreams and big goals. I wanted to be settled down, in my life, in myself and better off than what I was raised in. And I can proudly say that I have achieved that in many different ways. But my plans changed over the years, about 100 times as they do when your young. But as I got to know the real me, I realized that there was much more to womanhood than I knew.

I created the section I Am Woman here on my blog, to share the journey I have had as a christian women in today’s society. A place where I can unload as I continue this journey of womanhood that will go with me even into eternity. I will always be evolving and growing as a women of God and I have daily struggles that will help create the future me. I hope it inspires and blesses all who come across these posts and as always these are my opinions and thoughts. They are meant to encourage and to be shared so if your going through what I am, you know you’re not alone. I can’t promise what’s to come because honestly I don’t know. I will do my best to remain true to my heart and I will always be on the side of truth. May you, through my testimony and God’s love, come to do the same

Daughters of Zion let us all remember that the God of our youth, the God of our being and the God of our hearts, Loves us, Sees us, Hears us and Knows us.

Much Love

J.S

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The Hate I keep

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From the time I was a young girl and even today I have hated myself. That is common among abused children and it takes us a long time to heal from all the damage to get to a place of self love. But the way the world tells us to love ourselves never works. A career, freedom, fun, self expression and down time does not create love for ourselves.

I know, because I tried it all only to end up hating myself more. The first step to self love is facing your past and owning your truth. Then allowing God to show you where He wants to change you along the way. I serve a wonderful God that wants us to love Him but also wants us to love ourselves. And if I want to love my family well and fully it starts with me. Here I share my past struggles and my present truth. I am learning to face it all so that love for myself will one day be my reality. And if you feel the same too I am praying that very thing for you.

Psalms of my Heart

Who should I be?

Separated from the one who should’ve taught me

She haunts my dreams even today

A bond that never breaks

A face I wanted as my own

Because I never loved the one I owned

Who should I be?

Not the fists that beats me

Or the palms that choke me

I swore one day if I escaped

I would never live in hate

Still the hate showed up

It came without permission

But I kept it without suspicion

Who I am?

My joy or pain became my worth

Changing faster than seasons

Accompanied by fear

This all becomes my identity

And there is no free flying here

Have I come to a point of no return?

Is it inevitable that in the end I become unlovable?

How can I expect anyone to love me?

When the fact remains, that I hate me

To The Church, With Love

Published on by Johnnatta Giles6 Comments
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Long ago I sleepily entered an old church in Downtown Cincinnati. It was Sunday and the early morning dew met with my black dress shoes as I entered the side door. This was not my favorite place. Unwillingly I had been here many times, but I had no idea that day would be different.

As a child church confused me and greatly terrified me. There was never a place more isolating to me than the place of worship. At the start of church we would first gather in the sanctuary. The sanctuary was where I felt more comfortable because the crowds swallowed me up. I could hide and not be seen and blend in. But Sunday school was a whole different story. There was not many kids there and being extremely shy I had not one friend. It was a constant reminder of how alone I really was and brought up my feelings of abandonment.

One Sunday a crowd of kids showed up. It must have been Easter Sunday because that was the only time our Sunday school room was so full. I did as I do in crowds and hid among the many excited kids waiting for the lesson to start. At the end of the presentation the leader began to speak of something I heard every Sunday after the lesson was done. Salvation. But this time my ears were opened and I met my God for the first time.

I received salvation in a baptist church around the age of 7. It was just me and the Lord and no one knew about it. And as I grew up with a new awakened Spirit in me, no one also knew the struggle I had with the church itself. There was my love for it, because it was the only public place I could feel the spirit of God move and hear the word of God preached. The only place I saw people gather and encourage each other no matter how rare those occasions were throughout the year.

But as I grew up, in my heart, there also grew a hatred for it. The pressures each denomination placed on me to be what they said was Holy. The hypocritical people that were open about their sin, causing constant turmoil and pain in the church walls. So at the age 16 I ran away from all forms of congregation. I was angry but in truth, I set off to find out who God was on my own. To this day I have never regretted that.

But when I was 22 years old I rejoined a congregation with my husband and first daughter. That church split and we went with those who left. Soon we were given heartbreaking news that the pastor was giving up. And so I found myself confused and lost not knowing where to go. We eventually settled into a new church home where we served for a few years only to be, this time, called away from that congregation. It was exhausting to say the least. And I see now more than ever, I am not alone in my experiences. I know many of you have been hurt by people in a congregation. And I get that. In fact, it was professing Christians that betrayed me, used me and rejected me.

So believe me when I say I truly understand. I want you to know that your feelings and pain does matter. I would never tell you that your wrong for feeling what you do. But do not let you pain overtake you to the point where you turn your back on God. God is not the church and I can say for a fact that He would never call you anywhere that would hinder your relationship with Him.

I am not saying to do what I did. My family and I chose to do what God called us to do. But what I am saying is, never let the pain of what someone has done to you be the basis of your decisions. My first break from the church was not based off my anger, it was my hunger to know who God really was. As daughters and sons of God, we are to be led by the Spirit not by our feelings. To those who do judge others for leaving the church and never returning, we also have no right to judge what God calls His own to do.

If the Lord calls you to a church I want to share with you what He showed me: Jesus never commands me to be apart of a church. Men may, but He does not. But if He does call me to be apart of a church I have to understand that the church has nothing to do with my relationship with God. A church is a place to serve and do the will of God no matter how I feel about the people there or what they try to do to me. I am there for Him and Him only, therefore my leaving is according to His purpose for me.

Because of me understanding this, I was able to serve in a church with my full heart until I was eventually called away. I will not return to a congregation, not because I have been hurt, but because I go where God leads me only. God is wherever I am and my place of worship is forever held in my heart. Though I was in a church when I received salvation, the fact still remains that it has always been just me and my Abba from the beginning. And that will be all that matters in the end.

With Love,

J.S

The Ocean Valley

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When the sea moves back to the deep, I will sink and crash into You

I wrote this on our way home from Virginia, where I learned again to release my control over my life and give it back to God. From recent traumas I had picked back up what I had laid down because of fear. I struggled with myself and God because I lost so much and the thought of letting more go was hard for me to swallow. Before this trip I had been giving Him control again little by little and hoping He would give me mercy. I am so glad He is rich in it because I was struggling so hard with my flesh. But one night on this trip the battle ended and I once again rested in familiar waters. There will be moments like these in our lives. It is important to understand that you are human and will frequently go through trials that may test your faith greatly. You may have to re do some things you’ve already done. But don’t ever think these are setbacks in your faith. For some seasons there may be some familiar bridges we have to cross again, but once you cross them they lead to another place you never were before.

Psalms of My Heart #3

No desire is more greater

Than to be at the shores you call me to

No hunger is more fiercer

Than to be able to climb the mountains where I can hear You

Yes this is where my heart sleeps

Where I lay it all before You

When the sea moves back to the deep

I will sink and crash into You

When I am surrounded by hills in the valley

I will not shake for I choose to see

Only You can make something that beautiful in me

I’m moving from what was

And now I’m accepting what is

I haven’t always listened

But now Lord I am all ears

I have walked far

This journey has been so long

But no matter where I go

No matter what I see

Your home is always where I belong

J.S Giles

When I am surrounded by hills in the valley, I will not shake

No More Tears

Published on by Johnnatta Giles3 Comments

These past three years my family and I have been through the fire. I had hoped that the day the refining was over we would be standing on the mountain refreshed and restored! But the Lord brought us to the valley where our faith was tested. After so much loss and betrayal by the ones we loved, we had a pain that inevitable led us to turn on each other and it threatened the security of our own home. I cried every night for months on end wondering what the Lord was doing and why we were going through this after everything we had been through. Were we called to this exodus only to be brought to destruction? Would the pain tear our little family apart? What about the visions of our future? Where You showed us where You were taking us? How can we get there when we are barely hanging on here?

I was about to give up. I was so sick with worry and pain that I barely had the faith to speak life into my situation. But then the Lord said to me “I only ask you to trust me.” When He said that to me there was no doubt in my mind that was all I had left was trust in my Father. “Yes Lord! I trust you. I put my trust only in You. But that’s all I have.” It took me awhile to fully let go of control but once I did, God moved in our home in a mighty way. One day my husband called me while I was at home and he said something I was not expecting. “Things are going to change and get better from here on out! We take hold of it and believe that’s exactly whats going to happen!” I remember the pain leaving me in that very moment. My husband had took up his authority over his household in the name of Jesus Christ! From that moment on things changed in our marriage and relationship with our children. Our household began to sing again and laughter replaced mourning.

When things are hard in your home and you ask the questions I asked, remember that if God brought you together He knew exactly what you all would walk through. But He also knew what He would do to deliver you from it all. These moments will always come. They have a purpose for something greater you can’t understand now. I could have never known that going through that I would learn some powerful truths about spiritual warfare and prayer that would protect my family and I against the schemes of the enemy. Or I would come to fully understand myself as a fallen woman and how to pray over my own self to be used greatly to change the atmosphere in our home. Going through that season of our lives brought me into what I know now. That God is faithful and what He brings us through as a family is apart of our story and brings us closer to Him. In Him there is no separating us and I do believe that our Clan can do anything in His name! He is truly the breath of our lives and I am so grateful that my days now end in praise and no longer in tears.

Our God Delivers

Our God is Faithful

Our God is Greater

May God restore your family according to His will and in His timing in Jesus Christ’s name. So Be It.

Mental Health In Christ

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I don’t think I have ever mentioned this on my blog before and forgive me if I have, but I have struggled with mental illness since I was just a toddler. My medical records state that I started showing signs of depression at 4 years old and would often go into “my own world” I received therapy only to eventually be given up on because of never speaking. They always said I was just “really shy” and “very well behaved.” Everyone loved a child like me back in the children are to be seen not heard era. But I wasn’t shy I was afraid, alone and in constant turmoil.

When I think back to those years It angers me greatly. I can’t help but think how many other little ones have or are going through this and not getting the help they need from the people who are supposed to be helping them. I am always brought to tears and I pray for them often. The lost children are not only the ones that are physically lost from their homes, but also those who are lost within the walls of a place that is supposed to be their home. I have hope through my testimonies that adults and children like me will not only now there is a way to be healed fully but also that they are never alone.

May you come to know the Lords love for you and receive the hope that sets men truly free.

My favorite Winter Body Scrub + Homemade

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I first found the original recipe for this scrub on Pinterest years ago. It was too abrasive so over the years I revised it. My main goal was too make sure I was not only scrubbing away dead skin but at the same time moisturizing deeply and using ingredients to help lock in that moisture. This is by far my most messy beauty recipe but it’s also my favorite. I have been using this for years and I have to give it some credit for keeping my skin healthy in the winter months. Skip the spa and pamper yourself right at home with this one! You’ll be glad you did 😉

  • 1 Medium Avocado
  • 1 TBSP of Olive Oil
  • 1 TBSP of Epsom Salt
  • 1 Cup of left over used coffee grounds
  • 1 TBSP of Almond Oil

Smash Avocado into all ingredients with a fork and stir. Make sure you use this right away! Scrub in circular motions starting from your face then down your neck and shoulders. Continue on with the rest of your body. Rinse well. To protect your drains put a hair catcher over the drain and it will catch any chunks. Enjoy your soft fresh skin!

The Reasons We Celebrate the Seasons

Published on by Johnnatta Giles7 Comments

Christmas for my family and I hold a very different meaning than it does for the Christian  community and the world. My husband was raised in all the traditions of Christmas, pagan and Christian both but I was not raised to think one way or another about it.  I come from a traumatizing past, so I have said, but what I have not told you is that it was not always that way.

When I was first adopted it had seemed I finally found a place to belong after years in foster care.  We moved twice and the second time would become my very first home.  The last peaceful  memories I had in that house was of Christmas. I had no idea I was not alone there. My brothers said that was the same for them.  Christmases continued for a little while even during the abuse. At one point I believed in Santa Clause. No one really taught me to in my home but there was enough in the world to encourage my beliefs. I eventually found out about  Santa, and it broke my heart and angered me for many years.  No one likes to be deceived. But it was not those things that made Christmas special in my heart. It was not the story of the birth of Christ and it was not the Christmas lights that stilled my soul. It was the only time abuse did not happen. It was the only  time of the year I experienced peace ,rest and joy. 

 When my first born was born I began to think seriously about why and how we celebrate every holiday. It took us years to sift through everything but we now have come to a conclusion.  My husband had his own experiences and he too wanted to do things differently for his children.  We began to think “What do we want to sow into our children in these early years and what will it produce in them in their present and one day future?”   

  Christmas began to be our focus holiday because if we were going to celebrate something we should know the truth about it.  We learned that Paganism is closely tied to the origins of Christmas in the church and at one point there was no Christmas at all. We found no mention in the Word to celebrate the birth of Christ only to remember His sacrifice in frequent communion. We read about the pagan rituals the birthed the songs and things we use every Christmas in our house hold. In the end we were mortified by everything we found and decided we would not celebrate it religiously but in a different way.

 

We rarely use the word celebrate and now instead treat it as any other season of the year.

When I was researching I found something that brought up my memories of Christmas to the fore front of my mind. I watched a video on Christmas in Europe and was intrigued by the history of it there. There was no such thing as Christmas at one time but they treated it as a seasonal time of family togetherness, thankfulness, rest and goodwill. This is exactly what Christmas is now for our clan.  We still hang up the tree, stockings, garland and decorate the house with lights. In the corner of our T.V stand you will find a nativity that is specially set up by only me every season.  But there are no Christmas beliefs tied to any of it. We just want to create an environment of comfort and Joy. 

I will always remember how I felt those winter months sitting on the couch with my brothers. The feelings of peace and safety were such a gift to me that no toy ever gave. I watch my babies every year light up with wonder and when I asked them this year what they like most about this season, I was surprised by the answer.  My Izabella looked up with those brown eyes and a smile and said “I love that we are together and we can snuggle.” My cup runneth over.

 

Everything or Nothing at all

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church5

Tuesday night my husband and I were doing one of our favorite things. Whispering about the things of God in the night as our little ones begin to fall asleep. My husband mentioned something Dr. Tony Evans said that is so true. If we could have a do over and change the things we did or get away from the people we should have never been around, we would be farther in our relationship with God than we are now. Although I am not in the habit of thinking on “wisha couldas” I can see the wisdom here and have the humbleness to realize that our past can help change us for a better future. I also know to be true that not every mistake was meant to be made in order for me to grow. I have made many that I know for a fact I never had to go through in order to learn a lesson. I do well to remember that but I am human. Stuff happens.

I have been listening to the Tony Evans series called “Taking God Seriously”. It has confirmed everything I have been hearing the Lord speak to me about these last 5 years.  Almost 3 years ago I began walking away from everyone I knew in order to be closer to the Lord on a deeper level and fully follow Him. I am guilty of putting myself and people above God. Meaning I have ignored the scriptures telling me how important it was to be separate from those who do not follow the ways of the Lord (2 Corinthians 6:14- 18). I listened to the Church’s lies shaming me for only allowing those in Christ in my inner circle believing I was wrong instead of asking God what He had to say about it.

Until I gave up and laid all of it at His feet.

Are we really willing to lay it all down? Are we really ready to walk away from everything and give up what we think we know? Has your Abraham moment come upon you? Have you been called into a foreign land? Away from it all. Have you been spoken to of promises yet to come? Have you taken the only thing that you love more than anything on this earth and laid it on the altar? Are you ready to end it for the sake of growing closer to Him?

If  you’re in an Abraham season know that the Lord will restore, renew, redeem, provide and give you everything He has promised. While you wait on those promises to come full circle keep your eyes OPEN and listen to the voice of the spirit. Obey Him in faith and He will come through.

For those who have yet to enter into this truth.

I know it’s hard to understand at first. It’s how we are raised. It’s how the world teaches us. It’s about you and what you can do. You have the power to do great things. You have the power to change the world. Let’s get real.. I have never had the power and never have you. And I no longer want to be in control. I have learned it is not my duty to bring people to salvation not even my own children. That is all up to them and Lord. I don’t have to put myself in situations or around people who will hinder my walk with God in order for them to see the love of Christ. The word says that creation alone is evidence to His existence and love. It also prophesies that after Christ’s death, the Holy Spirit ministers to all men unbelieving and believing. My main focus is to grow closer to the Lord so He may use me for His glory through His power.

If the Lord calls me to speak to someone I do. If the Lord calls me to a place to serve I do. But if He does not I do not move. I have taken the Lord seriously. His word and His voice is the only thing I make a move on. So many people called me not a Christian because of the choices I have made in order to fully walk with the Lord. But what they don’t know is that I’ve heard that before. It was the first thing the enemy said to me the moment I decided to follow God fully at the age of 17. So that line was old news and just another cheap shot from Satan whom I have known my whole life. And who is he? He knows me not. What do you have to do with me serpent? Nothing at all. I believe this is the fear of many Christians. That when they take God seriously they will be made fun of, kicked out of the “Christian Club” then labeled as odd, weird or down right unsaved.

But lovely ones..

Did not the Lord tell you that’s exactly what will happen? “If they hated me they will hate you also.” He was talking about the world and the religious people. Why did they hate Jesus? Because He took God seriously. He refused to play politics and He refused to compromise. He refused to follow the religious leader’s doctrine and He refused to sit quietly while doing it. If you love the Lord lay down everything you think you know. As matter of fact believe that you know nothing and see what the Lord will show you.

Taking God seriously or submitting unto the Lord is the next greatest step after receiving salvation. It can be the reason why you have not seen the miracles of God in your life. It can be why you have never heard the voice of the Lord. It can be why you have not known Him as protector, provider, healer, deliverer, friend, father, savior, life-giver. You can miss out on not just a few of those things but ALL of those things and more! Submission is key. Taking Him seriously is key.

The falling away is great. The children of God walking away and falling into the traps of lies, witchcraft and paganism is major. If this scares you it should because we are in the end. Get back to the word and stay there for your sake. There is no time to one day be close to the Lord. No time to one day follow Him fully. The time is NOW. While the Light is still here take God seriously!

You are Loved Heard Held Known and Seen.