Tag: christian parenting

Father reading to his daughters

Thank YOU To Helpful Dads!

Published on by Johnnatta Giles4 Comments

“What is wrong with me?” I cry out.  My husband asks am I okay. I tell him that every night I’ve been feeling sick.. He says, “Go sit down and let me take care of this” . As he continues to prep and cook dinner, I without one second of protest walk into my room and tipped toed fall onto my bed. As I lay I can feel the pain and nausea melt away minute by minute. I’m exhausted. I’ve done too much on too little sleep. As I lay back I’m thanking God for the help my husband gives me. Without his willingness to help me whenever I need it, I don’t know how I could get through my days.

To my brothers, fathers. husbands and all that you are to the women in your life,

Rather she says it or not she needs you. A little help goes such a long way for us. Some of us (me included) enjoy being a mom and doing all the things that come with it. Sometimes that joy can blind us to our own exhaustion or even pain. We need to be seen too sometimes. We need for someone to see our needs before we know we need help like we do for everyone else every day. I’m not saying read her mind or she shouldn’t ever have to vocalize her needs, but be proactive sometimes. We need someone to step in and just stand beside us so we can have help too. And guys, please if you can do it within 15 minutes of us asking that would be great! Even if it’s to dry the dishes or prep the food. We need you. Can you bathe a baby while mom cooks? Or help your son fold clothes properly so mom doesn’t have to fix it later because… he’s learning. She would love to finish a chapter in her book instead of going back over the laundry later to make sure it fits properly.

To you it may just look like a stack of cotton towels, but to her, it’s her home. A home in which she has worked years to create and she is proud of every bit of it. As man and women we have different perspectives on life. That’s what makes us work so well together when we humble ourselves and be each other’s help mate’s. Thank you to all the men that do this already, keep it up dude! This life can throw the worst curveballs and she will always need you! But for those of you that don’t quite know what to do, from a mother and wife I hope this little letter helps you see her a bit  differently.

Your help changes everything in a day.! This life is so short to live it stuck in traditions of old. The past holds many treasure but also contains harmful cultures we shouldn’t be so quick to return to. This generation is changing things for the better! Let’s keep that going because a family that works together is so much stronger than ones that work among each other but separate. We as the new generation of parents can do it better and reap the rewards of a home with partners. And how much more will our children benefit from seeing both mom and dad working together for the common good of their lives? The rewards are powerful and endless! Thank you to all the dads that truly gets this!

One Of My Kids Believe In Santa

Published on by Johnnatta Giles2 Comments

For while now I have always talked about how we celebrate Christmas and why. One of the things I’ve been adamant about is never lying to my children about Santa Clause. All of these years I have been honest with my children. I basically tell them Santa is a cartoon character that has many origins, he is a legend but not a real person. I let them know that It’s okay as Americans for us to enjoy our traditional media as it’s tied to our culture. We even had a Santa come to our retail store to spread much Christmas cheer in a time of an increasing negativity about Christmas in general. But my kids have always known the truth.

On the way home from my daughter’s piano lesson one of my youngest girls was with us both. We were just discussing our favorite things about the Christmas season. My youngest was asking if we were going to finish watching the Michael Jackson concert we started but never finished the night before. I told her no we have other things to do that night. She got upset and told us she didn’t want to talk anymore because she was thinking about Michael Jackson. I honestly didn’t know she liked MJ that much until that moment! So she sat there quietly as my eldest and I continued to chat. That was until Santa came up. My youngest daughter enthusiastically jumped in and began to talk about how he was coming to the house and putting his sleigh on the roof. I said gently “Now you know Santa is not real right? So he won’t actually be there.” Her eldest sister said “Yeah! He’s not real remember?” My youngest said with a low mumble “I don’t want to talk anymore.” I asked her why and she said “I’m thinking about Santa.” I said “Okay. Well it’s okay to think about Santa. It’s not wrong to imagine about the reindeer and the sleigh on the roof.” And she excitedly said “OKAY!” I told my eldest to not be so stern with her. It’s up to her to come to realization that Santa is not real. She has to work that out on her own but to be honest if she asked but don’t push it in her face.

This moment warmed my heart two fold. Not only was my sweet little girl growing up, expressing her feelings and drawing boundaries but I was for the first time learning how to navigate a situation I never had to before. All of my kids before her showed no interest in Santa. But she was the first and it was an opportunity to not only teach her but to learn how to support her without being false in any way. It can be hard as a parent to choose to tell your children the truth because you think if you do you’ll crush their spirit. Some parents choose to not engage at all and ignore it. Some choose to add on lie after lie to supposedly shield their child’s innocence. Telling your kids the truth about Santa is not going to steal their innocence. Coming from someone who has endured great trauma as a child, I am telling you what I endured is in fact a stealing of innocence not being honest with your child about a made up character. What you can’t do is be belligerent and harsh about it. Your kids don’t need to be reminded every time they bring up Santa that he isn’t real. Every once in a while I gently remind her but for the most part I tell her siblings to be quiet and let her imagination run free. Constantly telling your child something they believe in is not real at such a young age can hurt their self esteem and create a division between the two of you.

My daughter knows I love her and I believe in her. There is no doub there and even though she got annyoed with me that one time telling her something, she has since not cared if I remind her that he is a cartoon character. She just smiles at me and said “I know!” and then we tell made up Santa stories about him falling off the roof and everyone has a good time joking. The point is with everything give grace and mercy but always tell the truth. Truth and love will always over power any fears you may have and even any mistakes you may make as a parent. But deception bring chaos and pain that could lead to loss and division. It’s never worth it not even for once a year fun.

Stay Blessed and Merry Christmas!

A Mother’s Worship

Published on by Johnnatta Giles3 Comments

Pitter patter pat. I look up from my work on my queen sized bed and notice little black hairs escaping a head full of long silk curls. Someone’s coming to give me a kiss goodnight and to tell me something funny her baby sister just did. She climbs onto the bed and I open my arms for a tight hug. I then bring my hands to her face, cupping her sweet golden brown cheeks. Two kisses for each! As she climbs down to tell me something, I listen and respond but also take a moment to worship the Lord. I’m in awe that such a beautiful being could ever come from my husband and I. In silence, I’m thanking the Lord for it and committing myself deeper to His plan. Because this little one was born out of a promise between Him and I. And I’ll never forget it.

The power of in the moment worship

In the last few months, I have had a really rough time. My husband just went through a medical emergency and that has made me the primary caregiver of everyone in the house. He’s gaining his strength back but It’s going to take time. Sometimes I don’t realize just how tired and stressed I am. But in that moment I stopped and worshipped the Lord. Doing that took a tired and worn out mama and spread peace throughout my being. It was just what I needed after the se last few months of hardship. Many people view worship as a way to spend time with the Lord. But in reality there are many things worship is for and actually does. Worship also is a way the Holy Spirit rises up in us and gives us what we need in that moment. Do you need strength? Peace? Rest? Wisdom? Answers. Take a moment to Worship. Worship is a place of surrender so that the Lord can have space to give you exactly what you need in that season of your life. What around you can you give God praise for? What in your life can you give thanksgiving? Is there something that just happened that you can be humbled in gratitude about? Take e beat, and worship at His feet! People tell you to pray often but I’m telling you mama, to worship. Worship as often as you pray! There’s healing in that small moment of praise.

No matter what life throws at you, God can breathe life back into you again. And He does it a lot of the time in the smallest ways. Will you give Him just a moment so He can fill you back up again?

xo Johnnatta

The Reasons We Celebrate the Seasons

Published on by Johnnatta Giles7 Comments

Christmas for my family and I hold a very different meaning than it does for the Christian  community and the world. My husband was raised in all the traditions of Christmas, pagan and Christian both but I was not raised to think one way or another about it.  I come from a traumatizing past, so I have said, but what I have not told you is that it was not always that way.

When I was first adopted it had seemed I finally found a place to belong after years in foster care.  We moved twice and the second time would become my very first home.  The last peaceful  memories I had in that house was of Christmas. I had no idea I was not alone there. My brothers said that was the same for them.  Christmases continued for a little while even during the abuse. At one point I believed in Santa Clause. No one really taught me to in my home but there was enough in the world to encourage my beliefs. I eventually found out about  Santa, and it broke my heart and angered me for many years.  No one likes to be deceived. But it was not those things that made Christmas special in my heart. It was not the story of the birth of Christ and it was not the Christmas lights that stilled my soul. It was the only time abuse did not happen. It was the only  time of the year I experienced peace ,rest and joy. 

 When my first born was born I began to think seriously about why and how we celebrate every holiday. It took us years to sift through everything but we now have come to a conclusion.  My husband had his own experiences and he too wanted to do things differently for his children.  We began to think “What do we want to sow into our children in these early years and what will it produce in them in their present and one day future?”   

  Christmas began to be our focus holiday because if we were going to celebrate something we should know the truth about it.  We learned that Paganism is closely tied to the origins of Christmas in the church and at one point there was no Christmas at all. We found no mention in the Word to celebrate the birth of Christ only to remember His sacrifice in frequent communion. We read about the pagan rituals the birthed the songs and things we use every Christmas in our house hold. In the end we were mortified by everything we found and decided we would not celebrate it religiously but in a different way.

 

We rarely use the word celebrate and now instead treat it as any other season of the year.

When I was researching I found something that brought up my memories of Christmas to the fore front of my mind. I watched a video on Christmas in Europe and was intrigued by the history of it there. There was no such thing as Christmas at one time but they treated it as a seasonal time of family togetherness, thankfulness, rest and goodwill. This is exactly what Christmas is now for our clan.  We still hang up the tree, stockings, garland and decorate the house with lights. In the corner of our T.V stand you will find a nativity that is specially set up by only me every season.  But there are no Christmas beliefs tied to any of it. We just want to create an environment of comfort and Joy. 

I will always remember how I felt those winter months sitting on the couch with my brothers. The feelings of peace and safety were such a gift to me that no toy ever gave. I watch my babies every year light up with wonder and when I asked them this year what they like most about this season, I was surprised by the answer.  My Izabella looked up with those brown eyes and a smile and said “I love that we are together and we can snuggle.” My cup runneth over.

 

Legacy of Love

Published on by Johnnatta Giles7 Comments

Being a mom of 4 is quite the challenge. And even though I have gotten a lot stronger since my c-section I have come to realize that sometimes there is just not enough time in the day. I have gotten to the point where I am needing more breaks to rest than I ever had before. I feel bad about that sometimes because I want to give out more so my kids will remember how much I loved them. But I get so darn tired and just need moments of rest.

One of the things I love to do is watch a movie or a documentary while they nap or dad takes them outside to play. One documentary in particular has recently sent me on a thought journey and taught me an important lesson. Being intentional and devoted is the first things that help create a legacy of love for our children and that is what matters the most.

August 1997 was the year that I was 8 turning 9. It was also the month and year that Diana, Princess of Wales died. I was watching  Dianna: In her Own Words on Netflix and revelation sprang forth in my heart. She was the first person I ever looked up to. I barely remember much about the first time I had heard her name. But I knew she was someone very much loved and the beauty of her heart drew me in.

I was so young then on the day of her funeral. My heart was breaking knowing that this person no longer graced this Earth. And I cried. I remember being shocked of how many people were there at her funeral as well every other memorial services around the world.  I had no idea I was not the only who took notice of her. But what amazed me the most were the words being spoken about this woman. This mother.

princessdi2

When I heard of all that she did for the sick and the left behind I thought in my mind “I want a heart like that. I want to do that one day.” I could have never imagined that my heart would grow to have a hunger to be a humanitarian as well. There is a natural born hatred in me for injustice and suffering. And one day very soon I will be traveling to the least of these just to sow the love of Christ.

As I grew up I came across more information about Diana. The more I found out the more I fell in love wit her. This woman was long gone but she left such a legacy of love that it was still being felt by the living. The one thing that I came across that stood out to me more than anything about Diana was her absolute love and devotion for her children. Each photo and video I saw of her and the two boys,  I remember thinking “I want to be a mother like that!”

I see now well before my children had even entered this world God was already sowing in my heart His will for me as a mother through Diana. I had no other influence. The main women in my life abused me. Hatred and lies were being sown in me daily but the Lord always brought me across women that would sow truth in me and combat it all. All these years it was meant for the now., the today as a mother of four beautiful children.

Some may think that is idolatry. Call it what you want, all I know is God will use the people around you as a child to help you to grow in the way you should go. God always knows what He is doing. And though I had no mother to teach me I had Diana.

In this season of motherhood today I am learning that being an intentional devoted mother is the first step. Devoted to raising well fed healthy kids. Devoted to praying with them and reading them the Word. Intentional in teaching them and disciplining them according to God. Intentionally creating an atmosphere of peace and rest. Some days it’s all that I can do that day and that is enough.

Let me share with you this intentional piece of a letter I just wrote in my motherhood diary. That day was  I was so tired and all I could do is take care of their basic needs and write them a little letter:

“I want to always make sure no matter what, I am doing my part as your mother. It can be hard when I am hurting. But you guys as well as the Lord, get me out of bed every morning and keep me moving forward. You are truly a gift to me. Each one of you created something beautiful in my character.”

There are so many things I have done that I know is creating a legacy of love for my children. I want them to always know that they have been a huge part of who I have become as a mother and women. That Life without them is unimaginable. So I have to remind myself daily. Be intentional and stay devoted. If  today that’s all I’ve got that is everything they need.

God bless you!