Tag: family

a family hugging each other

My Children Behave ( Mostly) and This Is Why

Published on by Johnnatta Giles2 Comments

Yes I’m coming to you with a bold title today because for years I’ve had at this point hundreds of people that have came up to us to tell us how well behaved our kids are. For sometime now I’ve been wanting to write this post but of course when your raising 6 children and living life time gets away with you. Here is just a small bit of advice from a mom of 16 years. Let me take you back in time to the foundations of why our kids are so well behaved (mostly).

Kids will be kids but the love of God is powerful!

My husband and I became parents before we became newlyweds. The pregnancy of our daughter inspired us to change our ways and begin to put God first in our life indefinitely. When she was born that devotion continued and January 2011 we went to church together for the first time as a family. She was only two months old! That local church had family programs then and we started to attend one of them. This was a parenting class based of the book “Shepherding A Child’s Heart” which changed both our perspectives on parenting and revealed many failures of our own parentage. We wanted to raise her for the Lord and that meant we had to look at things differently. And so we did. I joke in passing with people when they comment on the behavior of our children and say “We raise them the old school ways!” And in part we do. Many parents from the past generations of this country raised their children based off biblical principles. Children also grew up using the Bible to learn how to read in schools. So many were raised on those moral principles growing up in public and at home. But we took it a step further and wanted to make sure our children were never taught religion. We wanted them to know the full truth of the gospel. Both my husband and I are Christians that have submitted our lives to Jesus Christ, water baptized and baptized in the Holy Spirit. Every Sunday breakfast we read the Word and discuss what it says. We ask them their opinions and we also use the world around them to bring homes these truths. That right there is apologetics in action! We are also honest with our children about spiritual matters. Because like the word says, “We wrestle not against flesh and blood.”

Our kids have loved the Lord since they were babies and they know their God. They know when they pray He hears them. This is something we’ve also taught them since birth but even in their own relationships they have seen first hand. He speaks to them and they hear. They ask Him and He provides. They praise Him and they begin to see more and more. All through their own personal relationship with Him. Some of favorite memories will always be me whispering a song to my babies about how much God loves them, sees them and is with them. They desire more of Him and they know they must do their part. One of my favorite verses that they know well is when God spoke to Cain. “If you do what is right and you will be accepted.” My kids want Him more than they want anything on this earth. And they know when they fall into sin that will only bring them farther away from God.

Our kids were given the foundation that both their parents had with the Lord. Pure love. We taught our kids that not only was God Holy but that He loved them, wanted to know them and He was their friend. They were raised in a home full of worship, prayer and dedicated parents who loved the WORD. Our eldest daughter is water baptized and baptized in the Holy Spirit, the next 3 after her have been water baptized and the babies are still growing in body and spirit. They love God more than they love us and that is all I have ever prayed for! He is and will always be their greatest love!

Discipline is a must for growing children!

Let’s talk about one of the most controversial subjects concerning childrearing. Discipline. No matter what your stance is on discipline it must be done in the interest of creating character, self control, emotional control and wisdom. This is something that can make or break a functioning adult one day. Whenever it comes time to discipline our kids from toddlerhood we taught them the principles in the book we read that, their behavior not only affects them, but the people around them and their relationship with the Lord. They know when they are disobedient to us they are also being disobedient to God. Because they love Him and trust us to do His will only they have always understood this. In order for this to remain true it was highly important that we raised them according to Gods word, not our feelings, not what was trending and not what anyone else thought we should or shouldn’t do. They are also taught when they misbehave in public it is disrespectful to the people around them. Example: this is not your store to do as you please. The people in this restaurant are having a nice peaceful dinner and you are disrupting that. The hospital is full of patients resting and healing you are not to act a fool and disrupt that. These things though are only taught depending on the age. Because a baby is a baby and has every right to cry in public and when toddler is tired they are tired. But when a child is old enough to know better they are taught to be mindful of the people around them and have respect for others.

Though we are not perfect we do make every effort to lead our kids towards righteous no matter what. We raise them according to who God says each individual child is and we discipline them according to their own needs personality wise. As I said before we are not perfect so the times we do mess up we quickly repent to them for it and ask for forgiveness. Because of these things our children have a innate understanding that we are not hurting them or taking from them but helping move their hearts towards God’s will and therefore they receive either blessings or punishments based on that alone. Our kids know deeply we love them and we have a established a deep trust which in turn creates respect for us with them and them with us.

Even a child will reap what they sow

Oftentimes people think that because children are small and young their mistakes will not necessarily translate to big consequences. Many times I hear people say “They are just a kid it’s not that big of a deal!” But kids learn in those moments what they will get away with and what they won’t. There is room for grace with a child but it shouldn’t be handed out so easily or frequently. On the other side good behavior should always be praised and sometimes rewarded! I learned a long time ago to not frequently give rewards every time because my kids started doing things just to get in the treat bucket! So I began to reward them for only certain things. My kids know the simple truth of what you sow you shall reap. My four year old was in trouble about two week ago and I bent down to her level and explained to her, when you choose to do what is wrong you choose to gain what is bad. But if you choose to do what is right then you receive rewards of good things. In order to help her understand this before her four year old brain forgot it, the next time she chose to do what was right I repeated it to her and then gave her a treat. That specific thing she was getting in trouble with she no longer does anymore. This mama helped her at her level overcome! My older kids are different. When you get teens a lot of things you did when they were younger just won’t work. From the time my eldest was a toddler she hated to sweat. She would be running around having a good time and start sweating and stop and want to go in the house! To this day she doesn’t like it much so when she was in trouble about a few years ago I had her run three laps around the house. That worked for her, I honestly have not done it since but it’s still in my arsenal in case I need it! In addition, all of my kids understand the elementary truth of sin and righteousness. We are teaching our children to hunger after righteousness and then making a point to give them real life rewards when they do. A trip to get ice cream, go to the park, go see a theater production and even vacations! They get to live the good life when they choose to do good things! We of course have a reward system for our kids and their chores but we make sure they know that is a privilege and can be taken at anytime if bad behavior persists. What we will not do is take away anything that is helping them develop their God given gifts. One of my kids plays piano and we will not keep her from her lessons if she is in trouble because we know the Lord has called her to that and she has a great gif for it. But she loves to mess around with a camera I gave her. And when she is in trouble we take back the camera for a little while. Discipline no matter what must be done with great discernment.

They truly know we love them deeply

I always said I spoil my babies with love! All of my kids get many kisses and hugs. We tell them daily we love them and make a point when they are succeeding to tell them how proud we are of the. When arguments arise we make sure we are fair and stand up for the ones that have been wronged. We choose them over what the world thinks and says and we defend them with a fierceness in spite of it. We share with them our faults, our prayers (answered and unanswered) and our mistakes. They know us and know we love them for who they are. I wish I could tell you we do all of this based off of some human wisdom and revelation but we couldn’t do any of it without the strength and leading of the living spirit within us. So I leave you with this. Instead of wondering why your kids do not behave think about what it is you can do to change and redeem yourself back to your children. What can you do from then on to foster mutual respect, authority, love and meaningful relationship? I’ll give you the only thing I know that works.

Jesus

As their mother I have always went by these three Ps: persistence, patience and prayer. I have always been persistent with my kids I have always been patient with them and when they are struggling to over come I have always prayed with them. Many times I have fallen into the trap of complacency and have reaped the terrible rewards of it. I always say to my husband “I don’t know why we do it to ourselves! If we do our jobs we will inherit better behaving kids and therefore a life that is much more peaceful.” Sometimes I am just tired and need a break, Sometimes I have been neglecting my own spirit and the flesh gets in the way. Sometimes I’m just human! But I thank God I eventually get my act together! Because then I can go out to the movies, I can go out to eat, I can go on a riverboat, I can go shopping, I can go to a live theatre production all with my husband and all of my 6 kids! Because they behave!!!! And it’s all because of the very foundational things I just wrote to you. Moms and dads give yourself a break and begin to shepherding your child’s heart and watch the rewards of it spill over into your life.

Love

Johnnatta

One Of My Kids Believe In Santa

Published on by Johnnatta Giles2 Comments

For while now I have always talked about how we celebrate Christmas and why. One of the things I’ve been adamant about is never lying to my children about Santa Clause. All of these years I have been honest with my children. I basically tell them Santa is a cartoon character that has many origins, he is a legend but not a real person. I let them know that It’s okay as Americans for us to enjoy our traditional media as it’s tied to our culture. We even had a Santa come to our retail store to spread much Christmas cheer in a time of an increasing negativity about Christmas in general. But my kids have always known the truth.

On the way home from my daughter’s piano lesson one of my youngest girls was with us both. We were just discussing our favorite things about the Christmas season. My youngest was asking if we were going to finish watching the Michael Jackson concert we started but never finished the night before. I told her no we have other things to do that night. She got upset and told us she didn’t want to talk anymore because she was thinking about Michael Jackson. I honestly didn’t know she liked MJ that much until that moment! So she sat there quietly as my eldest and I continued to chat. That was until Santa came up. My youngest daughter enthusiastically jumped in and began to talk about how he was coming to the house and putting his sleigh on the roof. I said gently “Now you know Santa is not real right? So he won’t actually be there.” Her eldest sister said “Yeah! He’s not real remember?” My youngest said with a low mumble “I don’t want to talk anymore.” I asked her why and she said “I’m thinking about Santa.” I said “Okay. Well it’s okay to think about Santa. It’s not wrong to imagine about the reindeer and the sleigh on the roof.” And she excitedly said “OKAY!” I told my eldest to not be so stern with her. It’s up to her to come to realization that Santa is not real. She has to work that out on her own but to be honest if she asked but don’t push it in her face.

This moment warmed my heart two fold. Not only was my sweet little girl growing up, expressing her feelings and drawing boundaries but I was for the first time learning how to navigate a situation I never had to before. All of my kids before her showed no interest in Santa. But she was the first and it was an opportunity to not only teach her but to learn how to support her without being false in any way. It can be hard as a parent to choose to tell your children the truth because you think if you do you’ll crush their spirit. Some parents choose to not engage at all and ignore it. Some choose to add on lie after lie to supposedly shield their child’s innocence. Telling your kids the truth about Santa is not going to steal their innocence. Coming from someone who has endured great trauma as a child, I am telling you what I endured is in fact a stealing of innocence not being honest with your child about a made up character. What you can’t do is be belligerent and harsh about it. Your kids don’t need to be reminded every time they bring up Santa that he isn’t real. Every once in a while I gently remind her but for the most part I tell her siblings to be quiet and let her imagination run free. Constantly telling your child something they believe in is not real at such a young age can hurt their self esteem and create a division between the two of you.

My daughter knows I love her and I believe in her. There is no doub there and even though she got annyoed with me that one time telling her something, she has since not cared if I remind her that he is a cartoon character. She just smiles at me and said “I know!” and then we tell made up Santa stories about him falling off the roof and everyone has a good time joking. The point is with everything give grace and mercy but always tell the truth. Truth and love will always over power any fears you may have and even any mistakes you may make as a parent. But deception bring chaos and pain that could lead to loss and division. It’s never worth it not even for once a year fun.

Stay Blessed and Merry Christmas!

Womanhood in Motherhood

Published on by Johnnatta Giles2 Comments

One topic I would love to dive deep into on MFS is my experiences with motherhood. I cannot even begin to count how many times strangers have come up me (and still do) and tell me how beautiful and well behaved my children are. Deepening on the conversation and the time I have I kindly thank them and tell them it’s because I do my job. with a lot of hard work. Once my mom asked me how I did it with all the children I have and I told her point blank, THE LORD. Although these explanations can be seen as generalizations, in reality these simple responses hold much stories, revelations and true spiritual maturity on both my part and my husband’s.

Is Womanhood and Motherhood two separate things? In reality the are one and the same

I heard a saying, maybe a few, that motherhood and womanhood are two different things. Have you heard the whispers of this belief? It was loud and clear in my teens and even as a young woman. But I don’t hear it as much around me as I used to. But everyone once in awhile it pops up online. Oh the world of technology where nothing is really forgotten!

I’m a bit rebellious against the world, doing the opposite of what I’m told to do and instead embarking on journeys to figure things out for myself. I have been called stubborn and I have bluntly agreed. I can be taught but I’d rather do the teaching. In order for me to impart wisdom I have to seek truth for myself. And this was one of those things.

Was I no longer a woman when I became a mother?  As I raised the first when she was my only, I came to the realization that, a full womb does not mark the end of me but creates a stronger me, if I let it. Motherhood has raised a lionesses on the inside of me I never thought I could be. It taught me in fact how powerful women can be. How powerful I can be. Motherhood is an added bonus to womanhood. In order to become a mother you must first be a woman. It’s apart of the journey for those who choose it and it can take on many forms.

I never had to give up all of me to be the best mother I could be. Things change like they do with any life decision. I shifted, I molded and even sometimes I had to go into a type of metamorphosis. Becoming something new so I could expand my view on life and my capacity to love and learn. The parts of me that died away after I held those small fist and counted every tiny toe were replaced with fresh new eyes that saw wonder in a new way.  I had changed for the better. But much still remained and I still remain true to those things that will always be apart of who I am.

Don’t be afraid to be who you are in front of your children. In truth we should be growing with them while raising them but not in self denial. Self sacrifice is good for the common good of you both. But if you find the need to make changes that surly is for the best for your child just know that is not a form of self denial. Too often women fall into this trap and warrior women it brings on nothing but regret shame and unfulfillment which inevitable trickles over into to your mothering.

My children created the woman I am today. I have watched them grow and they have seen me at my rawest truest form. They know full well that I am their mama but I am also my own separate person. Sometimes as women we need to remember that for ourselves. I am proud to be both a woman and mother. They are apart of who I am and always will be.

Be proud, stand tall.

oxoxo

Johnnatta Giles | Owner of VC