For while now I have always talked about how we celebrate Christmas and why. One of the things I’ve been adamant about is never lying to my children about Santa Clause. All of these years I have been honest with my children. I basically tell them Santa is a cartoon character that has many origins, he is a legend but not a real person. I let them know that It’s okay as Americans for us to enjoy our traditional media as it’s tied to our culture. We even had a Santa come to our retail store to spread much Christmas cheer in a time of an increasing negativity about Christmas in general. But my kids have always known the truth.
On the way home from my daughter’s piano lesson one of my youngest girls was with us both. We were just discussing our favorite things about the Christmas season. My youngest was asking if we were going to finish watching the Michael Jackson concert we started but never finished the night before. I told her no we have other things to do that night. She got upset and told us she didn’t want to talk anymore because she was thinking about Michael Jackson. I honestly didn’t know she liked MJ that much until that moment! So she sat there quietly as my eldest and I continued to chat. That was until Santa came up. My youngest daughter enthusiastically jumped in and began to talk about how he was coming to the house and putting his sleigh on the roof. I said gently “Now you know Santa is not real right? So he won’t actually be there.” Her eldest sister said “Yeah! He’s not real remember?” My youngest said with a low mumble “I don’t want to talk anymore.” I asked her why and she said “I’m thinking about Santa.” I said “Okay. Well it’s okay to think about Santa. It’s not wrong to imagine about the reindeer and the sleigh on the roof.” And she excitedly said “OKAY!” I told my eldest to not be so stern with her. It’s up to her to come to realization that Santa is not real. She has to work that out on her own but to be honest if she asked but don’t push it in her face.
This moment warmed my heart two fold. Not only was my sweet little girl growing up, expressing her feelings and drawing boundaries but I was for the first time learning how to navigate a situation I never had to before. All of my kids before her showed no interest in Santa. But she was the first and it was an opportunity to not only teach her but to learn how to support her without being false in any way. It can be hard as a parent to choose to tell your children the truth because you think if you do you’ll crush their spirit. Some parents choose to not engage at all and ignore it. Some choose to add on lie after lie to supposedly shield their child’s innocence. Telling your kids the truth about Santa is not going to steal their innocence. Coming from someone who has endured great trauma as a child, I am telling you what I endured is in fact a stealing of innocence not being honest with your child about a made up character. What you can’t do is be belligerent and harsh about it. Your kids don’t need to be reminded every time they bring up Santa that he isn’t real. Every once in a while I gently remind her but for the most part I tell her siblings to be quiet and let her imagination run free. Constantly telling your child something they believe in is not real at such a young age can hurt their self esteem and create a division between the two of you.
My daughter knows I love her and I believe in her. There is no doub there and even though she got annyoed with me that one time telling her something, she has since not cared if I remind her that he is a cartoon character. She just smiles at me and said “I know!” and then we tell made up Santa stories about him falling off the roof and everyone has a good time joking. The point is with everything give grace and mercy but always tell the truth. Truth and love will always over power any fears you may have and even any mistakes you may make as a parent. But deception bring chaos and pain that could lead to loss and division. It’s never worth it not even for once a year fun.
Stay Blessed and Merry Christmas!
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