I have this thing about windows. All my life I have grown up looking out of them. Dreaming hoping and wondering about the world beyond them. They have been a place to cry, to think, to pray, to dream of my future. I remember having a very hard time envisioning my future. I had so many things I wanted to do with my life and the first was to escape the house I was in. But then what? What was the plan after I ran away? Was there more to life than just survival? All I knew was how to stay alive and I wasn’t sure if I would be able to on the streets.

I never really thought there was much for me beyond just staying alive and loving God. I told God when I was a teen that if His love was all that I had that would be enough for me. If I suffered my entire life and knew He loved me I could survive. It was His love that kept me alive all those years and it would be His love that would continue to do so. But my “plan” was not His plan at all.

I may have thought I was born to suffer but I always knew I was meant to do something powerful one day. I just didn’t know how or what that was. And It didn’t matter at one point because I didn’t believe I could do it even if I figured it out. I could have never  known the hell I would have to walk through would be apart of that call. Honestly if I would have known back then what was coming ahead in order for me to get to the place I am now, I would have ran full speed away from that path and onto the easier option. And who knows where that would have lead me?

For 8 years I have been on a journey leading to my destiny. And I can honestly say I have not reached my full potential in my character to step fully into the Call on my life. I am in a season of  learning to submit my flesh to the Holy Spirit. To surrender my will and allow the Lord to guide me. I feel like I am going through things I already went through years ago. There are times where I get so annoyed and think “Seriously? Have I not already surrendered that to God?” In those moments I feel like I am wasting time on things that I should already have moved on from. But I am seeing that old wisdom can look different with new realities.

One of those things I’m struggling with questioning if what I am doing is God’s will when I have been told time and time again it is by Him. I have seen what happens when I give just a piece of this thing away. The Glory for Him that comes from it. It is undeniable. I worry that the Lord will get tired of my questioning and doubting. But I am so glad He is patient with me because I need a lot of pushing right now.

I am really needing reminders of why I am doing the things I am doing. And God knows exactly what I need before I do.

As I was watching my husband ‘s and I’s favorite show “The Flash” one of the Characters said something that sparked life into me. She said;

“You know what makes a great speedster? It isn’t their speed. It’s being the light that everyone needs when the world goes dark. It’s the kind of person they are. The kind of person that always wants to help. ” 

That reminded me before I even knew me He knew me. And this call was placed on the inside me. It’s apart of who I am not some thing I just picked up on the side of the road one day. I have been walking toward this for 8 years through the guiding of the Holy Spirit. So now I am in the season of praying for the courage to continue forth.

It takes courage to stand and speak when you don’t think anyone is listening. To leave everything and everyone you know in order to follow Jesus fully. It takes courage to walk where no one else is walking. It takes courage to stand in the gap and when the heavens ask “Who will go forth” you say “Here I am. I will Lord.” He is working on me even in the toughest times.

And even when I want to give up for no apparent reason He is faithful to bring people across my path to get me moving and keep me walking forward. So here I am  Lord. Arms open giving you my life so I may keep it! There is no peace without you and you are everything I will ever need. May all those who seek truth find it through me pointing them directly to You. The King of Kings and God of all. El Shaddai may YOU be glorified forever. Amen.

Do you feel the same? If so know I get it. It can be hard when you know you hold something powerful but don’t know how or when you will release it to those who need it. On the road you grow weary, confused, doubtful, fearful and insecure. But none of that will change this fact:

You were made for such a time as this and He is so much more than all of this. You were born with those gifts rather you use them or not. But He will guide all things for His Glory. All you have to do is say:

Here I am. Yes I will.

#ourdestinyhisglory